Emotional regulation is a critical aspect of our mental well-being, yet many people struggle with it. One significant factor influencing our ability to regulate emotions is our attachment style. Our attachment style is developed early in life through our interactions with primary caregivers. This programming translates directly into how seamlessly we can respond to stress and unexpected events. Understanding this link can help explain why some struggle with emotions and responses.

What Does It Mean To Be Emotionally Regulated?

Emotional regulation means you can respond without panic or anxiety "taking over" your body and mind. In short, it's the ability to handle stress or the unexpected without losing your cool. While only robots are regulated 100% of the time, some people can do this better than others.

Regulated Response

A regulated response to stress or something unexpected involves managing one's emotions and reactions in a healthy and adaptive manner. This often includes acknowledging the event, utilizing coping strategies, and maintaining relative equilibrium. People with a regulated response are typically able to stay grounded, communicate their needs, and engage in self-care practices.

For example, someone who experiences a stressful event might seek support from friends and family, rest, and practice mindfulness techniques. They might also allow themselves to feel and express their emotions without letting these emotions take over. Over time, they work through it in a way that fosters resilience and stability.

Of course, there are some events, such as a major disaster or life-threatening event, that no one can stay regulated through.

Unregulated Response

An unregulated response to stress or trauma involves difficulties in managing emotions and reactions to mild and moderate stress. Sometimes it leads to behaviors that can make the distress worse. They may engage in avoidance, denial, impulsivity, or emotional outbursts. People struggling with unregulated responses may feel overwhelmed by their emotions. They may have outsized reactions to minor annoyances. For larger issues, they are sometimes unable to process the trauma, which can hinder recovery and contribute to ongoing emotional issues.

Anyone experiencing a major trauma or lifethreatening event will likely not have a "regulated" response. This shouldn't be confused with an inability to regulate most of the time. But if you find yourself having big reactions to small and medium things, you likely could benefit from support with regulation.

What Causes Some People To Be More Emotionally Regulated Than Others?

There are many reasons some people are able to stay regulated and some aren't. Sometimes there's a more reactive temperament, a mental health issue, or major trauma. But the single biggest contributor to regulation skill, in our experience, is attachment style.

Understanding Attachment Styles

Attachment styles are typically categorized into four main types:

1. Secure Attachment: These people see themselves and others in a positive light. They are fine with intimacy and can control their emotions.

2. Anxious Attachment: They dislike themselves but like others. Often, they seek excessive reassurance and fear abandonment. This leads to high emotional reactions.

3. Avoidant Attachment: They like themselves but not others. They avoid closeness and emotions. This makes it hard to control their feelings.

4. Disorganized Attachment: This style lacks a clear strategy, often due to trauma. These people show both anxious and avoidant traits. They struggle to control their emotions.

The Link Between Attachment Styles and Emotional Regulation

Secure Attachment

Individuals with secure attachment typically have better emotional regulation skills. Their early experiences of consistent and responsive caregiving have taught them that it is safe to express emotions and that their needs matter. This enables them to manage stress and navigate emotional challenges more effectively. In other words, they are learning how to self-regulate by seeing how their parents do it.

Anxious Attachment

Anxiously attached individuals often react intensely to perceived threats. Their heightened sensitivity can overwhelm emotions, complicating relationship dynamics. Managing reactions becomes challenging as abandonment fears amplify emotional responses. This constant state of vigilance and fear can lead to chronic stress and anxiety.

Avoidant Attachment

Emotional suppression and avoidance create regulation challenges for avoidant people. Unaddressed feelings may trigger numbness or unexpected outbursts. This pattern hinders closeness and stunts emotional growth.

Disorganized Attachment

People with disorganized attachment often face the most significant challenges in emotional regulation. Their inconsistent and sometimes frightening experiences with caregivers can lead to a fragmented sense of self. This can cause unpredictable emotional responses. They may oscillate between emotional extremes and struggle to find effective coping mechanisms. Their relationships often have a lot of drama. Though they are often blamed for this, people with disorganized attachment are suffering. They deserve compassion and support to heal their attachment wound.

How Holistic Therapy Can Help Heal Attachment

Great news: if your attachment style isn't secure, it can be healed. Though it certainly takes time, attachment can be changed. Sometimes all it takes is on especially solid and dependable relationship. This can be a friendship, romantic relationship, or even a therapist. Over time, engaging in this consistent relationship helps someone with an attachment wound learn new ways of expressing themselves and responding to their surroundings.

Psychodynamic and holistic therapy is especially good at healing attachment. These modalities offer a multi-prong approach to help people learn to regulate their emotions and heal attachment wounds. Here are some ways holistic therapy can be beneficial:

Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation practices are central to holistic therapy. These techniques help people become more aware of their emotions and learn to observe their thoughts and feelings without judgment. This awareness is a powerful support for emotional regulation. It slows down reaction time and allows people to respond to their emotions rather than react impulsively. Knowing that your physical or emotional discomfort is not an emergency is a game-changer.

Somatic Experiencing

Somatic experiencing focuses on the connection between the body and emotions. By paying attention to your body and releasing stored tension, you can process traumatic experiences that contribute to attachment issues. This helps build a sense of safety in the body, which is essential for emotional regulation.

Attachment Therapy

Attachment therapy addresses the impact of early attachment experiences on current emotional functioning. Therapists work to explore their attachment history, attachment style, and develop healthier ways of relating. This can help rework maladaptive attachment patterns and fostering secure attachment behaviors.

Integrative Approaches

Holistic therapy blends modalities like CBT, EMDR, and expressive arts with other wellness practices. This tackles emotional and attachment issues from many angles. By integrating various techniques, therapists create personalized, effective treatment plans. Such tailored strategies ensure better outcomes for clients seeking emotional healing.

Self-Care and Lifestyle Changes

Holistic therapy emphasizes the importance of lifestyle changes in emotional regulation. This can include nutrition, exercise, sleep hygiene, and other activities that promote relaxation. It's also incredibly important to nurture positive relationships. By nurturing the body and mind, you can create a supportive environment for healing and growth.

Holistic Therapy In California & Florida

Are you struggling with emotional regulation and attachment issues? Holistic therapy can provide the support and tools you need to heal and thrive. Our therapists specialize in holistic approaches. We can help you understand and manage your emotions, build healthier relationships, and start to live your best life.