The holidays can be challenging, especially when returning to your family home. Many of us experience what's called "holiday regression," where we slip back into old patterns and behaviors that resemble how we acted as younger versions of ourselves. Here’s what that means and how you can prepare.

What Is Holiday Regression?

Holiday regression occurs when we visit home and, without realizing it, fall back into old habits, routines, and family dynamics. This can include:

• Reacting more emotionally or becoming easily irritated.

• Engaging in familiar family roles or conflicts.

• Acting more like a teenager than you mean to.

• Feeling less mature or capable than you are in your daily adult life.

• Forgetting to use the healthy coping skills and boundaries you’ve developed.

It’s easy for these dynamics to surface because our family environments are often where we first learned certain emotional responses and ways of relating to others. Going back into that environment can trigger behaviors that don’t reflect who we are as adults.

Why Holiday Regression Happens

When we’re around family, especially in the setting where we grew up, our brains can associate those surroundings with past behavior patterns. It’s like muscle memory—but for emotional responses. You may find yourself getting defensive during conversations with siblings or reverting to the “quiet” or “rebellious” role you once played within the family.

How to Prepare for Holiday Visits

The good news is that you can manage holiday regression with a little preparation. Here are some strategies to help you stay grounded and present during family gatherings:

1. Recognize Potential Triggers

Think ahead about what might trigger old emotional responses. Are there certain conversations, people, or situations that tend to bring up past feelings or conflicts? Awareness of your triggers can help you be more mindful in the moment.

2. Make A Plan For When You're Triggered

Once you know what your triggers are, make a plan for how you will respond to them. This takes the pressure off of you in the moment. It's always better to respond with a planned behavior than to react in the heat of the moment. It's too difficult to be our highest selves and act maturely when we're upset. Planning ahead takes care of this.

3. Stick to Your Routine

Maintaining parts of your daily routine can provide structure and stability to your visit. Whether it’s keeping up with your exercise routine, taking time for yourself in the morning, or following your usual sleep schedule, sticking to your adult routine can help you stay balanced.

4. Adopt an “Adultlike” Posture

When interacting with family, it can be helpful to remind yourself of who you are today—an adult with your own experiences, beliefs, and strengths. Adopting a more mature stance, both physically and mentally, can help you engage in conversations or dynamics from a place of confidence and self-assuredness.

5. Limit Alcohol Intake

While it’s tempting to unwind with a few drinks during holiday celebrations, alcohol makes it easier to slip back into old habits . Not drinking or drinking in moderation can help you stay in control and present.

6. Set and Reinforce Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential to preserving your emotional health during the holidays. Whether it’s excusing yourself from a conversation, staying in another location, or setting limits on how much time you spend with family, protecting your peace is important. It’s okay to say no, take a break, or walk away when you need to. Be sure to communicate your boundaries ahead of time if it feels important. That way, it's easier to reinforce them if they're challenged. Setting boundaries is pointless if you don't reinforce them.

The Power of Preparation

While the holidays can bring up old patterns and emotions, being prepared can help you navigate family dynamics with greater ease. Remember that you’ve grown, developed new skills, and can handle these situations in ways that reflect who you are today, not who you were in the past.

Therapy in Los Angeles

If navigating family dynamics during the holidays feels overwhelming, therapy can be an great tool to help you stay grounded and develop coping strategies. Whether it’s preparing for potential triggers or learning to set and reinforce boundaries, working with a great therapist can provide personalized support.

If you're in Los Angeles area and looking for a therapist, consider reaching out to book a free consultation. Therapy can guide you through this season with more ease and confidence. Schedule a consultation today and take the first step toward a more peaceful holiday experience.