The honeymoon phase is that exciting beginning period of a relationship when everything feels new and thrilling. There's a huge wave of neurochemicals that make you feel excited, giddy, elated, and on top of the world. It can feel like you've finally figured something out, or come home, or discovered an amazing secret. But how long does this initial burst of intense passion last for lesbian and woman-loving-woman couples?

How Long Do Early-Relationship Feelings Last For Lesbians?

Most relationship experts believe that the honeymoon phase in all couples regardless of orientation generally lasts between six months and two years. After the initial honeymoon phase, passionate love begins to fade and is replaced by a more companionship-based love. Of course, this isn't true for every couple; some manage to keep that initial spark of romance alive for their entire lives. Companionate love is wonderful, but it doesn't have the same intensity and passion as the honeymoon phase.

Factors Influencing the Honeymoon Phase For Lesbians

Age, Commitment, and Communication

The length of the honeymoon phase can be influenced by many factors, including age, level of commitment, and communication styles. Our age affects our experiences, maturity level, and, and expectations in various areas of life, relationships included. In fact, one of the biggest factors that can affect how long the honeymoon phase lasts is age; if there is a significant age difference between you and your partner, the honeymoon phase may be on the shorter side. When members of the relationship bring to the table different life experiences and levels of maturity, it may bring that buzzing honeymoon feeling back down to earth more quickly. 

Another factor that can affect how long the honeymoon phase lasts is the level of commitment you and your partner have to each other. If you feel ready to fully commit to your partner, the honeymoon phase may be longer – this extra level of investment you both have in the relationship can bolster your confidence and security in the relationship and let you enjoy the feeling of being on cloud nine.  

The way you and your partner communicate with each other can also affect how long the honeymoon phase lasts. Openly and compassionately communicating about any issues that arise in the relationship can keep your relationship strong, prolonging those feelings of excitement and elation. Clear communication also allows you to express your needs to your partner. It's important that communication be focused on mutual respect, empathy and understanding.

Navigating Unhealthy Communication Patterns For Lesbian Couples

There are a few elements of unhealthy communication that can start to pop up as a relationship is transitioning from the honeymoon phase the companionate phase, and they are worth noting. Decades of research by the Gottman Couples Institute have identified four elements of unhealthy communication that often lead to relationship breakdown: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, These four elements, often called the "four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse," need to be addressed and eliminated as soon as possible. If you are noticing criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling creep into communication with your partner despite your best efforts, reach out to a Gottman-trained couples therapist today to help you change your communication patterns before they get engrained.

How To Make The Honeymoon Phase Last Longer In Lesbian Relationships

Other than ensuring you're using healthy communication strategies, what can you do to prolong the honeymoon phase in your lesbian relationship? For starters, avoid getting stuck in the doldrums by trying new things together and mixing up your routine to keep the relationship feeling fresh and exciting. Instead of staying in every night eating the same food and watching Netflix, try to do something out of your routine at least once a week.

It's also important to make an effort to regularly communicate your needs and desires to your partner in order to prevent boredom or stagnation. This can also prevent the feeling of being taken for granted from creeping into your relationship. Finally, tap into those warm, buzzy feelings and remember to express your love and appreciation for one another often; happy couples who do this tend to stay in the honeymoon phase longer. 

Cherishing the Phases of Love For Lesbian Couples

The honeymoon period of any relationship is filled with excitement, spontaneity, and elation, and lesbian relationships are no different. If you're in a lesbian relationship, cherish these intense early months or years—they may not last forever but they'll certainly be enjoyable while they do! And as your relationship transitions into companionate love, don't despair: long term, companionate love, when healthy, is emotionally abundant too.

Lesbian Couples Therapy In California & Florida

If you’re going through the rocky transition from honeymoon phase to companionate love and want the support of a therapist, get in touch. Our expert couples therapists love serving LGBT couples, especially lesbian couples. Lesbian couples therapy can be the best gift you give yourself and your partner.