Good therapy can be a transformative experience. But a bad therapy experience can leave you feeling disillusioned and hesitant to continue seeking support. Let's explore why people have bad therapy experiences and what to do about them. Below are some common pitfalls and advice on how to bounce back from less-than-ideal therapy.

Most Common Reasons People Have A Bad Therapy Experience

Any service based on relationship is going to be messy at times. There are many reasons people have bad therapy experiences. The most common are, in no particular order:

• Bad therapist match/lack of chemistry

• Bad pacing or rushing in therapy

• Therapist behaving unethically or illegally

• Using a modality that doesn't work well for you

• Mismatched values or beliefs

• Unrealistic expectations in therapy

• Lack of cultural competence

• Poor communication

• Lack of goal alignment

• Inconsistency with therapy

1. Bad Therapist Match: When Chemistry Fizzles Out

Research has proven that 80% of the effectiveness of therapy rests on the quality of your relationship with your therapist. So if it feels off, therapy isn't likely to work. This will look different to everyone, because everyone's therapy needs are different. Some people want a more conversational therapist, or a therapist who has a shared lived experience. Some people feel more comfortable with a female or lesbian therapist or a therapist who shares their faith. Only you can determine what's important to you, and what personality feels good.

What To Do If You Don't Feel Connected To Your Therapist

Trust your instincts. If the connection feels off, it's okay to communicate this to your therapist. Open dialogue can lead to a better understanding. Or it might be time to explore other therapeutic options. Remember, therapy is a collaborative process, and finding the right fit is essential for meaningful progress.

2. Bad Pacing of Therapy: The Rush to Resolution

Most people come to therapy because they are struggling. Whether it's anxiety, trauma, or relationship problems, people come to therapy because they want to feel better. This can sometimes lead people to rush through things.

The Problem With Rushing Therapy

Unfortunately, too often people rush through therapy in desperation to feel better. They may tell their trauma story or get vulnerable before they've built strong rapport with their therapist. Or maybe they need to learn effective coping skills before talking about difficult things. We understand why people rush. But it can also be a recipe for disaster. When you feel too vulnerable before you trust your therapist or have the skills to cope, it makes sense to not want to keep going. Pacing is crucial in therapy. Ideally, your therapist can help you set a good pace.

What To Do If Therapy Feels Like It's Going Too Fast

Share your concerns about the pace of your sessions with your therapist. They can't read your mind, so they may not know things are going too fast. A skilled therapist will adjust to your needs, ensuring a balanced and effective therapeutic journey. Remember, therapy is not a race; it's about understanding and growth.

3. Bad Therapist Behavior: Legal & Ethical Concerns

Nothing breaks our hearts more than hearing about other therapists behaving badly. From unprofessional things like checking their phone during session, to dangerous and illegal things like starting romantic or sexual relationships with clients, unethical behavior can completely wreck therapy. If you feel like your therapist has crossed boundaries with you, it's a red flag. This might involve breaching confidentiality or something else that leaves you questioning the ethical foundation of the therapeutic relationship. Whatever it is, the result is that your trust shattered. It happens, and it's more common than you might think. Trust is the cornerstone of therapy, and when it's broken, it can be a distressing experience.

What To Do If Your Therapist Acts Unethically

If you're uncomfortable with your therapist's behavior, express your concerns. If the issues persist or you don't feel comfortable, consider reporting them to the relevant professional board. Your well-being is paramount, and ethical conduct is non-negotiable in therapy. Stop seeing that therapist and find one you feel you can trust.

Please know that therapy never includes sex. If you or someone you know has had sex with a therapist - even consensually - please read this pamphlet.

4. Choosing the Wrong Modality: Misaligned Approaches

So, you're in therapy, and your therapist introduces a new modality that's supposed to be great. But instead of feeling enlightened, you're confused. Maybe you're more of a talk-it-out person, and they're all about worksheets and homework assignments. If you find yourself thinking, "Is this even helping?"—you're not alone. Sometimes, the therapy modality just doesn't fit. Imagine a software engineer seeking therapy for stress management, being paired with a therapist focused on art therapy. Choosing the wrong therapeutic modality can impede progress and leave you feeling frustrated.

What To Do If You Aren't Sure About Therapy Techniques

Reflect on your needs. If the therapeutic approach doesn't align with your goals, discuss it with your therapist. It might be a matter of adjusting the approach or considering alternative modalities better suited to your needs. The key is effective communication to tailor the therapy to your unique journey.

5. Mismatched Values and Beliefs In Therapy

Therapy is supposed to be a judgment-free zone, right? Well, what happens when you feel like your therapist is silently judging your life choices because they don't align with their own values? It's like trying to have a heart-to-heart with someone who's speaking a different language. If you're sensing a values and beliefs mismatch, it's more than just a hiccup; it can be a roadblock to genuine connection and understanding. If your therapist holds values or beliefs that significantly differ from your own, it may hinder the therapeutic alliance.

What To Do When Your Therapist's Values Clash With Yours

Communicate openly about your values early on. If misalignments persist, it might be worth exploring therapists who better understand and respect your perspective. If this doesn’t work, consider finding another therapist.

6. Lack of Therapist Cultural Competence

Cultural competence in therapy matters. If your therapist is missing the mark on understanding your experience, it can feel like talking to a wall. When the cultural connection is missing, therapy can be more like a puzzle with crucial pieces gone astray. Your therapist doesn't necessarily have to share your culture, but they should have a baseline understanding or be open to learning. Feeling understood and respected is vital for a positive therapeutic experience.

What To Do If Your Therapist Doesn't Understand Your Culture

Tell your therapist you don't feel they understand your culture. If things don't change, find a therapist with better cultural competence. You might consider looking for someone who specializes in working with people who share your experience. For example, many lesbians prefer working with a lesbian therapist.

7. Unrealistic Expectations For Therapy

We all have expectations. But what if your therapy sessions are underwhelming because you expected a lightbulb moment in every session? Therapy isn't a magic fix, and expecting it to be might leave you feeling like you're stuck. If you expect to treat your trauma in a handful of sessions, you're not likely to leave satisfied.

What To Do When Therapy Doesn't Work Fast Enough

Discuss your expectations with your therapist and work together to set realistic goals. Be open to their ideas about how long therapy will take. Understanding that therapy is a gradual process can foster a more patient and productive mindset.

8. Ineffective Communication In Therapy

Effective therapy is built on understanding, not deciphering. If the communication between you and your therapist is a source of stress, it's a sign that something needs tweaking. Poor communication between therapist and client can impede progress. This can be especially true for couples.

What Do To When It's Hard To Communicate With Your Therapist

Advocate for yourself. If you're having difficulty communicating, share this with your therapist. A skilled therapist will adapt their approach to facilitate better understanding. They might use non-verbal techniques such as art therapy, sandtray therapy, or somatic therapy.

See also: How To Have An Uncomfortable Conversation With Your Therapist

9. Lack of Goal Alignment

You're in therapy with goals in mind, but somehow, every session feels like a detour. If you find yourself thinking, "Are we even on the same page?" it's time to revisit those goals. Therapy is a journey with a destination. If you're feeling lost along the way, it could be you're on the wrong path. Misalignment between client goals and therapist focus can be counterproductive.

What To Do When Your Therapists' Goals Don't Match Yours

Revisit and adjust your therapy goals. If the focus veers off course, communicate this with your therapist to ensure your sessions remain relevant to your needs.

10. Lack Of Consistency With Therapy

Consistency is the glue that holds therapy together. Ideally, you can see your therapist once a week, at least to start. But what happens when your therapy is more unpredictable than the weather? Missed sessions, erratic scheduling, and a general lack of structure can really injure the effectiveness of therapy. It's important to be consistent if you want to see results.

What To Do When Therapy Isn't Consistent

If you're the reason therapy isn't consistent, explore accessible therapy options like online therapy. Find a consistent time to see your therapist and stick to it. Openly discuss concerns with your therapist. If your therapist is the one constantly rescheduling or canceling, express your frustration or concerns. If it continues, find a new therapist.

Feeling Stuck? Evaluating Progress In Therapy

It's common to feel stuck in therapy. It's a nonlinear process with plenty of challenges. But it's important to evaluate whether you're making tangible strides toward your goals from time to time.

Track your progress. Create a list of goals and revisit them regularly. If you find little improvement, discuss your concerns with your therapist to collaboratively develop a more effective treatment plan. Therapy is a dynamic process, and periodic adjustments may be needed to ensure it remains beneficial.

The Power of Second Chances: Rediscovering Therapy

Experiencing a setback in therapy doesn't mean giving up on the process altogether. As in any relationship, sometimes it takes time to figure out how to work together. If that doesn't work, you have to find the right fit.

Teletherapy In California & Florida

We understand the importance of providing a safe and supportive space for your healing journey. Our teletherapy services are tailored to meet your unique needs. We specialize in providing therapy for millennials, LGBT issues, couples therapy, and therapy for teenagers. If you've had a challenging therapy experience and are seeking a fresh start, our team is here for you.

Schedule a free consultation today to take the next step toward a better therapeutic experience. We're ready to support you.