Mental Health For Lawyers: Tips from California Therapists Who Get It

The legal field is demanding. Everyone knows that. But so few people really know. As therapists who love working with lawyers, we get it. There's a lot to manage: difficulty setting boundaries, the impact on relationships, and the physical toll of prolonged stress. It can feel impossible to come up for air and connect with hobbies and people you care about. And self-care: what’s that?

Let's explore mental health concerns faced by lawyers in various legal practice settings and some concrete things you can do to mitigate stress.

Lawyers Find It Challenging To Set Boundaries

Boundaries are a bit of a buzzword these days, but you can’t have a sustainable career without them. Boundaries are simply a limit to what you’re willing to give and do. For lawyers, we’re talking about internal boundaries. How much of your time and energy are you willing to give your job? It can’t be 100%. Then there’s nothing left for you. Figure out some ways to start taking time and energy for yourself, even little bits.

We know this feels difficult for many lawyers, particularly those who are ambitious and aiming to make partner one day. But even in small ways, boundaries are the only way to make it to the top.

Big Law Firms

In larger firms in California, the pressure to bill hours can be relentless. Certain firms have better culture around this, but the reality is that time = money for the firm. The 24/7 expectation often blurs the line between work and personal life, making it challenging to set boundaries. This boundary blurring can seriously impact personal relationships, often causing strain or dissolution. It might seem like everyone else at the firm is billing more than you, which creates a stressful sense of competition.

Smaller Law Firms

Smaller firms may offer more flexibility, but can have their own set of challenges. There may be fewer resources and a greater need for multitasking. These demands can spill over into personal time. It's common to experience difficulties in maintaining healthy relationships.

Government Law Positions

Government lawyers in California often face tight deadlines and high stakes. This makes it difficult to step away from work. This constant pressure can hinder the ability to nurture and maintain personal relationships.

In-House Counsel

In-house counsel roles can vary widely. Some involve managing legal affairs for an entire company. The can be all-consuming. It's especially challenging when the company is under scrutiny or something has gone wrong. The demands can impact one's availability and emotional presence in personal relationships. Some firms actually have a reasonable workload, with few expectations of working outside a 9-5 schedule. That’s great, but if you don’t have emotional boundaries to match, you’re going to feel exhausted anyway.

Therapist Tips For Lawyers Who Want To Set Boundaries Better

Boundaries are first and foremost an inside job. You have to be able to close your laptop and set down your phone at some point. No one is going to do it for you, unfortunately. Start with small goals: a set short no-tech time, a vacation responder, a true lunch break (however brief.) Start to build up the muscle you use to set boundaries. It will get stronger over time.

You also have to communicate with your loved ones about the demands of your career and how hard it is for you to set boundaries. You might enlist them in gently helping you set and maintain the boundaries you need to set to find balance.

Lawyers Often Have Difficulty Saying No

This is an extension of setting boundaries that involves worrying you’re going to disappoint other people. That can be really uncomfortable. But if you say yes to everything, you’ll burn out fast.

Big Law Firms

The competitive environment in big law firms can lead to a "yes" mentality. Saying no to more tasks or work assignments may be seen as a weakness. You may feel guilty inside, or get a questioning look. This constant need to prove oneself can lead to neglecting personal relationships. As the sawing goes, the reward for great work is more work. Explore if your inability to say no is a company culture issue or a you issue.

Smaller Law Firms

Smaller firms often rely heavily on each team member. It's challenging to decline additional responsibilities. This can result in long hours at work, leaving little time for personal connections. Get curious about what really needs to be on your plate and what can be delegated, divided up, or discarded.

Government Law Positions

Government lawyers may face heavy workloads. Saying no can be perceived as shirking responsibilities. This can result in late nights at the office, impacting personal life.

In-House Counsel

Balancing legal tasks within a company can lead to difficulty in saying no to other departments' requests. This constant multitasking can leave little room for personal life. There may also be times of true intensity where it’s not possible to say no.

Tips From Therapists For Lawyers Who Want To Say No More Often

Remember that the reward for hard work is more work. No one is going to say no for you or realize how overworked you are. It’s up to you to prioritize not only your work tasks but also your personal life and leisure time. Saying yes to more work is saying no to yourself. You deserve to say yes to yourself more often.

The Negative Toll Of Work On Lawyers' Relationships

The demanding nature of legal work can have a significant impact on relationships. The stress, long hours, and emotional toll of the work can strain relationships with partners, family members, and friends. Let’s try to prevent this.

Talking To Friends and Loved Ones About The Stressful Reality of Being A Lawyer

When it comes to explaining how draining your work is to friends, family, and partners, a thoughtful conversation is key. Begin by expressing your appreciation for their support. Remember that they might not fully grasp the ins and outs of your profession. Even if they do, they may not share your drive and ambition. They may have judgments or assumptions. You can share real-life examples of the long hours, high-pressure situations, and the relentless pace of your work. But it's most important to share why you're doing this work. Do you find it fulfilling? Do you want to earn enough money to set up a good life for your family? Do you want to make partner? Your motivations matter. If you’re not sure why you’re doing this, consider talking to a therapist.

When talking to your loved ones, make it clear how stress can take a toll on your well-being. Encourage open dialogue, so they feel comfortable asking questions and expressing concerns. Emphasize that while your career is demanding, their support means the world to you. By understanding your challenges together, you'll feel closer and more supportive.

What To Do When Friends and Family Aren’t Supportive of Your High-Demand Career

Handling the situation when friends, family, or partners are not supportive is really hard. Frequent plan cancellations because of your demanding work schedule are understandably frustrating. When it becomes habit, they may feel they can't rely on you. It's important to address these concerns with empathy and clear communication. Start by acknowledging their feelings and expressing your understanding of how your career impacts them.

Then, work together to find solutions that accommodate both your job and your relationships. This might involve scheduling protected time, or finding alternative ways to connect. It's also a good idea to let them know ahead of time how they can support you during particularly demanding periods.

Remind them that their support is crucial and that you value your relationships deeply. By involving your loved ones in the process, you can foster a better understanding and strengthen your bonds.

While it can be a big challenge, you deserve a fulfilling career AND meaningful relationships. Both take work and commitment to maintain.

Tips For Maintaining Meaningful Relationships Alongside Your Career As A Lawyer

Regularly check in with your loved ones, and don't hesitate to seek support from them when needed. Open communication is key to maintaining strong relationships in the legal profession.

Your Loved Ones Should Make The List

If you're someone who does well with to-do lists, put a task on your list every single day to reach out to someone you love. It can be a quick text, or a phone call during your commute. Often we forget about things that aren't directly in front of us. "Out of sight, out of mind" applies to our relationships, but it isn't a sign you don't care. Try putting your relationships on your to-do list every day. That way they'll get attention even when they're not on fire.

Lawyer Life: The Toll Of Prolonged Stress On Your Body

The effects of prolonged stress on the body are not to be underestimated. Relentless demands and high-pressure situations can take a significant physical toll. It often manifests as sleepless nights, persistent muscle tension, and nagging tension headaches. Moreover, stress weakens our immune system, leaving us more vulnerable to illnesses. Stress isn't just a mental burden; it exacts a physical cost that deserves our attention and care.

The Added Stress On Female Lawyers

While the legal field is daunting for anyone, it's important to acknowledge the added stress on women. This is particularly true if they're single. For single women, there's no one to share the load when they step out of the office. They often struggle with meals and food prep, cleaning, and general life tasks. It's also difficult to date and find long term partnership when your schedule is unpredictable.

Conversely, mothers juggling legal careers and parenting face more stress than their male counterparts. It's well documented that women take on more than half of a household's domestic and emotional labor. Law's demands can feel like a never-ending marathon. Add the role of motherhood into the mix, and the pressure intensifies. Balancing courtrooms with bedtime stories, deadlines with school pickups is an extraordinary feat. While their strength and resilience are admirable, these additional pressures can take a toll on mental health. Seeking support, delegating, and practicing self-care become essential.

The Importance of Self-Care for Lawyers

Self-care is often misunderstood as something extravagant or time-consuming. The phrase conjures images of a spa day or a vacation. In reality, it's about nurturing your mental and physical well-being in simple, everyday ways. It doesn't require hours of your day or a hefty budget. It can be as straightforward as setting aside a few minutes each day to breathe, stretch your body, or enjoy a quiet moment with a cup of tea. The small, consistent acts of self-care are what matter.

Self care is about listening to your needs, setting boundaries, and acknowledging that you deserve moments of respite. It doesn't matter how busy life gets. Self-care is not a luxury. It's a necessity for maintaining your sanity and sustaining your career.

Self-Care For Lawyers Doesn’t Have To Be Time-Consuming

Finding time for self-care can be particularly challenging in big firms, but it's essential for mental well-being. Many large firms have gyms, meditation rooms, cafeterias, or other in-building perks. Even if you only take 5-10 minutes, take advantage of these options. Self-care is equally important in other settings, where the workload may be just as demanding with fewer resources. Do the best you can; even a little bit of self-care is better than none.

Therapist Tips for Lawyer Self-Care

Schedule regular self-care activities into your routine. We know you're strapped for time, so consider bite-size self care. Shorter duration doesn't mean smaller impact. Whether it's yoga, reading, or spending time outside, even short breaks can recharge your energy and improve your mental health. Stretching for five or ten minutes can make a big difference. Taking a walk around the block when a Zoom call ends 7 minutes early can reframe your whole day.

Seeking Professional Support: Therapy For Lawyers In California

No matter what kind of setting you practice in, seeking professional support is a smart move. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the demands of your career, consider talking to a therapist. As therapists who specialize in working with lawyers , we can provide you with the tools and support you need to navigate these challenges.

The legal profession is undoubtedly demanding. It's essential to remember that your mental health and relationships are just as important as your career. Setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and seeking professional support are all crucial steps in maintaining your well-being. Remember to nurture your personal relationships, regardless of your practice setting.

Online Therapy For Lawyers in California

We know you don’t have a lot of time. That’s what makes online therapy such a great option for lawyers. By eliminating drive time, parking, and sitting in the waiting room, you can get back to work quickly after getting high quality care.

We encourage you to reach out for support when needed. Therapy can be a game-changer for lawyers. It can help you not just survive but thrive in the legal field. You deserve healthy, fulfilling personal relationships. If you're ready to take the first step towards a more balanced life, don't hesitate to book a consultation. You deserve to feel better.