a woman in a blue tank top sits in bed smiling at her phone representing how to not burn out on dating apps. our therapists offer therapy for millennials in los angeles and san francisco to make dating easier.

As therapists offering therapy for millennials and gen Z, we hear a lot about dating app burnout. If dating apps are leaving you feeling drained and disillusioned, you're in good company. Dating is more tiring than people outside the grind of it understand. Here are three reasons why dating apps can be exhausting and four steps to refresh your energy.

Why Are Dating Apps So Exhausting?

Perceived Abundance vs. Reality On Dating Apps

When you first log into an app, it looks like there are a lot of eligible matches. The seemingly endless array of potential matches on dating apps can create a false sense of abundance. But as you sift through profiles, you may find that many don't align with your values or lifestyle. This can lead to disappointment and frustration.

Even people you match with may not actually be viable matches. When you take into account emotional availability and attachment style, there probably aren't many people you match with. That's okay. Sometimes reframing the reality of selection can help ease burnout.

Emotional Roller Coaster

Dating app burnout occurs when the emotional highs and lows of connecting with someone fizzle out, often resulting in ghosting or other types of letdown. This cycle can take a toll on your mental health, potentially leading to depression or relational PTSD.

The main reason that dating is so hard is that activates your attachment system. Your attachment system is the internal structure that you have for relating to other people. You didn’t choose your attachment style. It's formed by the people who raised you, early relationships, friends, and partners. There are no "bad" attachment styles, but some are more challenging in a dating context.

Burnout

Do you find yourself using the same opening lines or sticking to familiar meeting spots? Are you becoming cynical or expecting disappointment in every interaction? These are red flags that you're burnt out and it's time to reassess your approach.

So, how can you reclaim your dating life and break free from app exhaustion?

How To Recover From Dating App Burnout

a woman in a green vest holds her phone against a light purple background representing recovery from dating app burnout. our therapists offer therapy for millennials to help support dating and relationship issues in california or florida.

Shift Your Mindset

Instead of viewing dating apps as the sole purpose for meeting potential partners, broaden your horizons. Create a list of 20 activities you'd like to try in your city, from museums to wine bars to cool bookstores. When you plan dates, pick one of these things to do. It gives you a chance to do new things while getting to know someone. It's also usually less pressure than a meal. Even if you get ghosted or stood up, you'll have something interesting to do.

If you’re skeptical and want to read more about this method, see our dating challenge here.

Open Up Authentically

Avoid scripted interactions by sharing something interesting and slightly vulnerable about yourself. Don't go too deep, and certainly don't trauma dump. But sharing something real allows for deeper connections and sets the stage for genuine conversation.

Making Dating A Numbers Game

Aim for one in-person date every week or two, focusing on activities you enjoy. If you're focused on meeting lots of new people, the odds of meeting someone you like go up. If one date is a dud, there will be someone new next week. Casting a wide net is more likely to give you results than occasional line fishing. This lowers the stakes and decreases the odds of burnout.

Practice Self-Care

If dating app fatigue persists, take a break. Set a defined period, whether it's two weeks or two months, to focus on self-care and recharge.

Your dating life is up to you. By adopting a holistic approach that prioritizes your needs and the search for genuine connections, you can date with renewed energy.

Understanding Attachment Activation: How Therapy Can Help Make Dating Less Exhausting

Attachment theory explains our patterns of relating to others, including in dating. Understanding attachment styles can help us understand why certain interactions leave us feeling drained or upset.

Attachment styles are formed early in life based on our experiences with caregivers. These styles—secure, anxious, and avoidant—shape how we approach relationships and intimacy. In the context of dating, attachment activation occurs when our attachment needs are triggered by interactions with potential partners.

Here's how different attachment styles can manifest in the dating world:

Secure Attachment

People with a secure attachment style tend to feel comfortable with intimacy and autonomy. They approach dating with openness and trust, viewing setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than threats to their self-worth.

Anxious Attachment

Those with an anxious attachment style crave closeness and validation in relationships. On dating apps, they may become easily preoccupied with the status of their connections and interpret ambiguous signals as rejection.

Avoidant Attachment

People with an avoidant attachment style value independence and self-sufficiency. They may prioritize autonomy, avoiding vulnerability and intimacy in their interactions.

Disorganized Attachment

People who had inconsistent caregiving or major trauma as children and behave in an unpredictable way with dating.

Therapy For Millennials and Gen Z To Address Attachment Activation While Dating

Therapy can be a great resource for addressing attachment activation and overcoming dating fatigue. Here's how therapy can help:

Identifying Attachment Patterns

Through therapy, you can gain insight into your attachment style and how it influences your dating behavior. By understanding the roots of your attachment patterns, you can begin to make conscious choices in your relationships.

Exploring Relationship Dynamics

Therapy provides space to explore past relationship experiences and how they impact current dating patterns. By examining patterns of behavior and communication, you can identify areas for growth and change.

Building Self-Awareness

Therapy cultivates self-awareness, helping you recognize your emotional triggers and coping mechanisms. By learning to identify and regulate your emotions, you can engage with dating situations with greater resilience and clarity.

Developing Healthy Boundaries

Therapy empowers you to establish boundaries that honor your needs and values. By setting clear boundaries in dating, you can protect your emotional well-being and cultivate relationships built on mutual respect and understanding.

Enhancing Communication Skills

Communication is key to healthy relationships. In therapy, you can learn and practice communication techniques, fostering open and honest dialogue with potential partners.

By addressing attachment activation and dating fatigue in therapy, you can cultivate fulfilling relationships grounded in authenticity. If you're ready to break free from dating fatigue, therapy can provide the guidance and support you need.

Therapy For Millennials and Gen Z To Overcome Dating App Burnout

Ready to banish app burnout and date with confidence? If you’re in California or Florida, schedule a consultation with us today to explore how we can support you in understanding and healing attachment patterns.