a closeup of wine glasses toasting with gold confetti flying in the air representing the stress of hosting holiday celebrations and how to remove holiday stress. our therapists love helping busy people set boundaries and decrease anxiety and stress

What should you do if the idea of hosting this holiday season feels overwhelming or unmanageable? Whether you're facing health issues, financial strain, stress, or an overall sense of overwhelm, there are options that support your mental health. Let's explore four options, along with guidance on communicating these decisions with your family.

Option 1. Pare Down and Simplify

Recognizing your limits, you might choose to change the holiday setup, making it more manageable. This could involve simplifying decorations, altering the menu, or even moving the gathering to a more relaxed setting. It could also involve paring down the guest list, duration, or scope.

Sarah, facing financial strain, decides to change the holiday programming. Instead of an elaborate dinner, she opts for a potluck-style gathering where each family member contributes a dish. The focus shifts from costly decorations to creating a warm and cozy atmosphere, reducing financial burden and stress.

Pros of Simplifying Holiday Plans:

Reduced Stress. Simplifying the holiday plans can reduce stress and allow for a more relaxed atmosphere.
Financial Relief. Making changes to cut down on costs provides financial relief, especially in times of financial strain.

Cons of Simplifying Holiday Plans:

Potential Resistance. Family members or guests may resist significant changes. This is especially true if they are attached to specific traditions.
Adjustment Period. It may take time for both the host and guests to adapt to the new, simplified format.

Communicating the Decision To Simplify The Holidays

"This year, I've decided to simplify our holiday gathering to reduce stress and focus on what truly matters. Instead of the usual elaborate feast, we're going for a cozy potluck gathering. Your dish will make it extra special, and I'm excited for a more relaxed and intimate celebration."

a happy family crowded in the kitchen cooking together representing sharing the work of hosting holiday celebrations so everyone can enjoy them.

Option 2: Delegate as Much as Possible

If the idea of hosting feels overwhelming, consider delegating tasks to family members or friends. This not only lightens your load but also fosters a sense of shared responsibilit in the holiday preparations. If you have the means, you can also outsource food prep and cleaning.

Alex, juggling a demanding workload, delegates holiday responsibilities to family members. Each person takes charge of a specific aspect—decorations, meal planning, or organizing activities. This collaborative approach not only eases the burden on Alex but strengthens family bonds.

Pros of Delegating Hosting Duties:

Shared Responsibility. Delegating tasks fosters a sense of shared responsibility and involvement, promoting family unity.
Lightened Burden. Distributing responsibilities eases the burden on the host, allowing for a more enjoyable holiday experience.

Cons of Delegating Holiday Plans:

Communication Challenges. Communicating and coordinating responsibilities may be challenging, leading to misunderstandings or oversights.
Varied Commitment Levels. Different family members may have varying levels of commitment to their delegated tasks.
Difficulty Letting Go of Control. For people who have a specific vision of what the holiday should be, it may be difficult to let go of that specific vision. You have to be willing to accept collaboration and imperfection.

Communicating the Decision To Delegate Holiday Hosting

"I want us all to be involved in making this holiday special. Your help with decorations or planning a fun activity would be fantastic."

Option 3: Cancel It: Choosing Self-Care Over Tradition

When health issues, grief, or financial strain are significant, you might need to cancel holiday hosting altogether. Communicating this decision with sensitivity is important to help family members understand why.

Jamie, facing a perfect storm of health issues and job loss, makes the difficult decision to cancel the holiday gathering. Communicating openly with family, Jamie emphasizes the need for self-care.

Pros of Cancelling Holiday Hosting:

Prioritizing Well-Being. Cancelling prioritizes the well-being of the host. This might be the best choice in cases of severe health issues, financial strain, or overwhelming stress.
Open Communication. Communicating the decision openly can foster understanding and support from family members.

Cons of Cancelling Holiday Hosting:

Guilt. It's hard to shift tradition without feeling guilty. Consider if feeling guilty would be more or less difficult than hosting. In most situations, it's the lesser discomfort.
Disappointment. Family members and guests may be disappointed or upset about the cancellation, especially if they were looking forward to the gathering. They may even push back and try to make you feel bad.
Potential Social Pressure. The decision to cancel may face societal expectations and potential judgment.

How To Tell Your Family You're Not Hosting This Holiday Season

"This wasn't an easy decision. But due to [health issues/financial strain/overwhelming stress], I've decided to cancel our holiday gathering this year. Your understanding and support during this time mean everything to me."
"While we won't have the traditional gathering, I'd love to find alternative ways to connect with you this season. Let's plan a low-key outing or virtual celebration so we can still share the holiday spirit."

Option 4: Do It Anyway and Suffer: The Cost of Pushing Through

an overhead view of a large holiday table full of food and candles representing the stress of hosting a big holiday gathering and how to set boundaries to manage stress and anxiety

The last resort option may be to power through and host the holidays despite feeling overwhelmed. But remember this comes at a cost to your mental and physical well-being. If health issues or high levels of stress are factors, this might not be sustainable in the long run.

Chris, dealing with a recent health setback, decides to host the holiday dinner as usual. Despite physical strain, Chris spends days preparing, leading to increased pain and exhaustion. While the gathering appears successful on the surface, the toll on Chris's health is evident. He later needs to take time off work even after the holidays to recover.

Pros of Pushing Through and Hosting:

Maintaining Traditions. If tradition is highly valued, proceeding with hosting may provide a sense of continuity and familiarity.
Perceived Social Expectations. Avoiding potential social scrutiny or judgment for not hosting the holiday gathering.

Cons of Pushing Through and Hosting:

Physical and Emotional Toll. Hosting anyway can lead to increased stress, exhaustion, and worsening health issue.
Limited Enjoyment. The host may not enjoy the festivities due to the strain and overwhelm.

Communicating the Decision To Do It Anyway

"I'm really looking forward to hosting the holidays this year. While it might be a bit challenging for me, I believe in keeping traditions alive. Your understanding and support mean a lot as we celebrate together."
"I might need to take a few breaks during the day, so please feel free to mingle and enjoy yourselves. Your presence is what matters most, and I want us all to have a memorable time."

Post-Decision Self-Care: Nurturing Yourself After Shifting Holiday Plans

a bathtub with plants, soaps, candles, a book, and tea representing self care during the holidays

Once you've made the decision regarding holiday hosting, it's time to focus on your own well-being. Post-decision self-care is essential to ensure you recharge and find joy during a season that might have initially felt burdensome.

Recognize That Guilt Is A Temporary Discomfort

It's normal to feel guilty when changing or cancelling plans. But the discomfort is the price for preserving your well-being. Often, it's the lesser of two discomforts. You can tolerate it if it means better mental health.

Reflect on Your Decision with Compassion

Take a moment to reflect on the decision you've made and recognize the courage it took to prioritize your well-being. Whether you decided to simplify, delegate, or cancel, your choice is a valid response to your circumstances. Reflecting with compassion allows you to release any guilt from changing holiday norms.

Establish Alternative Connection Points

Even if the traditional holiday plans have shifted, seek alternative ways to connect with loved ones. Schedule smaller, more intimate gatherings, virtual calls, or casual meet-ups throughout the season. This ensures that the spirit of togetherness persists, even if the format has changed. You might organize a family game night or a potluck dinner on a less hectic day. This creates opportunities for connection without the pressure of hosting a grand holiday event.

Reallocate Energy to Self-Care Activities

Now that you've freed up mental and emotional energy by adjusting your holiday plans, redirect that space towards self-care.

California Teletherapy For Stress Management And Self-Care

Curious about how teletherapy can support you during the holidays and beyond? Schedule a free consultation with our experienced therapists in California who specialize in self-care strategies and emotional health. Take the first step toward a more nourishing and joyful life.