How To Tell Your Therapist Something Isn’t Working In Therapy
What happens when your safe place begins to feel shaky? When your therapist doesn't seem to get it, or the therapy isn't yielding the results you were hoping for? Many people encounter this in their therapeutic journey. Let's explore the common issues of not feeling heard, feeling misunderstood, and being confused about your therapy plan. We'll offer examples of how to share these concerns and how a good therapist might respond.
Why It's So Important To Tell Your Therapist You’re Unsatisfied
Research shows that 80% of the effectiveness of therapy is based on having a good relationship with your therapist. If something feels off, that means your therapy is less likely to work.
Therapy is a collaborative process. Your therapist is there to guide and support you, but it's your journey, your life, and your emotions. Your input and feedback are invaluable. Open and honest communication about your needs, concerns, and what's not working in your therapy is crucial. It ensures that therapy remains a beneficial and fulfilling experience for you.
The Hidden Benefit Of Bringing Things Up To Your Therapist
Many people come to therapy to improve relationships and communication. You can use your relationship with your therapist as a way to practice speaking up and addressing problems in a productive way. Often therapy is a safer environment to try new things than other relationships. When it goes well, it can boost your confidence.
Our friends at Nashville Psych have a great article on how to give your therapist feedback even if it feels awkward.
What To Say When You Don't Feel Heard In Therapy
One of the most common issues in therapy is feeling like your therapist isn't listening or hearing you. It's natural to want to be acknowledged and validated, especially when you're sharing your deepest thoughts and emotions. So, what can you do when you feel like your voice isn't being heard?
What to Say
Express your feelings directly: "I've noticed that sometimes I don't feel heard during our sessions. It makes me hesitate to share more."
How a Good Therapist Might Respond
A responsive therapist might say: "I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Your feelings are important, and I want to make sure you feel heard. Can you share an example of when you felt unheard so that we can work together to improve this?"
When a Therapist Uses the Wrong Word or Phrase
Misunderstandings in therapy can also stem from a therapist using the wrong word or language to describe something. This can lead to confusion and hinder progress. Addressing it is essential.
What to Say
Gently correct the therapist: "I think there might be a misunderstanding. You used the term 'anxiety,' but I meant to say 'stress.' Can we clarify this for better accuracy?"
How a Good Therapist Might Respond
An empathetic therapist might respond: "Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Precision in our language is important. I appreciate your input in fine-tuning our communication."
Feeling Confused About the Plan
Sometimes, therapy can feel like wandering in the dark without a roadmap. It's perfectly okay to seek clarity on your therapy goals and the strategies being used.
What to Say
Ask for clarification: "I'm a bit unclear about our therapy plan and goals. Can you explain it to me in simpler terms, so I can better understand the path we're on?"
How a Good Therapist Might Respond
An effective therapist might respond: "I'm glad you brought this up. Let's break down the plan together, step by step, and ensure you have a clear understanding of where we're headed."
Navigating These Conversations in Couples Therapy
The dynamics in couples therapy can add another layer of complexity. When both partners are involved, it's essential to consider how to address concerns as a unit.
Not Feeling Heard in Couples Therapy
Couples therapy often involves a balancing act, ensuring both partners feel heard. If you're feeling sidelined, addressing this is critical. Otherwise, therapy is unlikely to work.
What to Say
Share your concerns openly: "I've noticed that sometimes I don't feel heard in our sessions. It's important to me that we both have a voice. Can we work on this together?"
How a Good Therapist Might Respond
A skilled therapist may respond with: "Your feelings are valid. Let's create a space where both of you can express yourselves comfortably. How can we improve this together?"
Feeling Misunderstood in Couples Therapy
Misunderstandings can compound in couples therapy, leading to confusion and frustration. It's crucial to address these issues to move forward effectively.
What to Say
Express your thoughts: "I feel like there's a misunderstanding about what I'm trying to say. Can we explore this so that we're on the same page?"
How a Good Therapist Might Respond
A compassionate therapist might say: "I appreciate your honesty. Let's work on clarifying these misunderstandings. Your perspective matters, and we want to ensure both of you feel understood."
When a Therapist Uses the Wrong Word or Phrase in Couples Therapy
Misunderstandings in couples therapy can also stem from a therapist using the wrong word or language to describe something. This can lead to confusion and hinder progress. Addressing it is essential.
Example: What to Say
Gently correct the therapist: "I think there might be a misunderstanding. You used the term 'communication,' but I meant to say 'trust.' Can we clarify this for better accuracy?"
What a Good Therapist Might Say
An empathetic therapist might respond: "Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Precision in our language is crucial. Let's ensure we're on the same page, and I appreciate your input in fine-tuning our communication."
Feeling Confused About the Plan in Couples Therapy
In couples therapy, a clear plan is essential to navigate relationship challenges. If you're unsure about the direction, it's time to seek clarity.
What to Say
Seek clarification: "I'm a bit confused about our therapy plan and what steps we should be taking. Can you help us understand this better?"
How a Good Therapist Might Respond
A supportive therapist may respond: "I understand your confusion, and it's important to have a clear plan. Let's break it down together to ensure both of you are on board and confident in the path ahead."
Bring Things Up To Your Therapist Even If It Feels Awkward
Speaking up and self-advocating in therapy is not only important but encouraged. You have the right to ensure your therapy is effective and tailored to your needs. Your therapist is there to guide and support you, but they can only do so effectively if they understand your concerns and thoughts. So, don't hesitate to communicate when something isn't working. Together, you and your therapist can make the necessary adjustments to ensure a more productive and fulfilling therapeutic journey.
Unresponsive Therapists: Honoring Your Feelings and Seeking Alternatives
Your feelings and concerns in therapy are valid and should be respected. If your therapist consistently doesn't respond well to your needs or concerns, honor your feelings and consider the next steps. A strong therapeutic relationship is built on trust, open communication, and collaboration. If these elements are lacking, it can hinder the progress of your therapy journey. In such cases, it may be time to explore other options. Finding a new therapist who better aligns with your needs and communication style might make your therapy experience more productive.
Remember, it's your therapy, your journey, and your life. Don't be afraid to speak up and make it the best experience possible. If you ever feel that your concerns aren't being addressed, consider exploring new opportunities in your therapeutic journey.
Holistic Teletherapy In California & Florida
Ready to ensure therapy is a fulfilling experience for you? If you're in Los Angeles, San Francisco, or anywhere in California or Florida and therapy isn't meeting your needs, it's important to speak up. Our experienced therapists offer a safe space to discuss issues you're facing and work collaboratively to make positive change in your life. Don't hesitate to advocate for yourself and your mental health. Contact us today to schedule a session and take proactive steps towards an effective therapeutic aliiance.
