What to Do If Your Partner Won't Go to Couples Therapy
Couples therapy is a great tool for strengthening relationships. It can help you navigate the hardest parts of a partnership and come out stronger on the other side. But what do you do when you know it's time for therapy, but your partner won't budge? The journey to convince them can be tricky, but with a blend of patience and empathy, it's possible to get them on board.
How To Convice Your Partner To Go To Couples Therapy
Get Curious Why They're Not Open To Couples Therapy
It's essential to take a step back and truly understand your partner's reservations. Have an open, non-confrontational conversation about their concerns. Listen actively, without judgment, to gain insights into their perspective. This empathetic approach can lay the foundation for a more constructive discussion.
It's possible they may believe a few myths about couples therapy, such as couples therapy being a signal of doom. Truly listen to their concerns and validate their feelings. If you hear an insecurity, be extra warm and compassionate. Then, you can try debunking some of the myths about couples therapy. We've made a list of the most common myths about couples therapy here.
Remember Timing Is Everything With Couples Therapy
One common hurdle in getting your partner to attend couples therapy is timing. Many couples wait until their relationship is hanging by a thread to consider therapy. By then, the wounds may have festered for so long that healing becomes an uphill battle. It's crucial to recognize that therapy can be more effective when you start early, before problems become monumental. Try talking to your partner about therapy as a preventative tool rather. They may be more open to it if they don't see it as a sign that something is wrong.
Foster Commitment For Relationship Improvement
Couples therapy is a two-way street, and both partners need to commit to the process. If your partner is hesitant, try having an open conversation about the future. Always use "I" statements. Start by discussing your shared goals as a couple. What do you both want from the relationship? Perhaps it's improved communication, a deeper connection, or a more fulfilling partnership. Identifying these shared aspirations can be a powerful motivator for both of you. It might make your partner more open to consider couples therapy as a means to achieve them.
Address Expectations About Couples Therapy
Sometimes, reluctance to attend therapy stems from fearful or unrealistic expectations. It's important to clarify that therapists aren't miracle workers. They're also not mindreaders or manipulators. They provide guidance and tools, but it's up to the couple to put in the effort. Discuss what you both hope to achieve.
Encourage Open Communication About Couples Therapy
Communication is at the heart of any good relationship. Create a safe and non-judgmental space to discuss your concerns and desires openly. Share why you believe therapy can benefit both of you and encourage your partner to share their thoughts and fears.
Address Personal Issues That Might Be Contributing To Relationship Problems
Sometimes, individual issues can overshadow relationship problems. If your partner is dealing with unresolved trauma, mental health issues, or add!ction, it can be a barrier to couples therapy. If you partner isn't ready to deal with those, that might be a barrier to couples therapy that has nothing to do with you. They might be worried couples therapy will make them face something they're not ready for.
Leading by Example Through Individual Therapy
Actions often speak louder than words. Consider starting individual therapy to work on your own personal growth and self-improvement. This sets a positive example and demonstrates your commitment to personal development. Sometimes, leading by example can inspire your partner to follow suit.
Creating a Safe Space
Nothing is more important than a safe and non-judgmental space for talking about relationship issues. Assure your partner that therapy is a space where both of you can openly express your thoughts and feelings without fear of blame or criticism. This can alleviate some of their concerns about attending therapy.
Give Your Partner Some Control Over Picking Your Couples Therapist
It may be that your partner is hesitant because they don't know any couples therapists. They may worry the therapist will take your side or something. If that's the case, suggest they be the one to find a good couples therapist and initiate contact. Having some control over who you see together might give them more peace of mind.
Highlight Couples Therapy Success Stories
If you've got friends who have benefitted from couples therapy, share success stories. Hearing about real-life examples of how therapy helped people you know can be reassuring and motivating. These stories can provide a sense of hope and possibility for your partner. It also might dispel some stigma or myths about couples therapy.
Change is often necessary for relationship growth, but it can be intimidating. If your partner is resistant to change, communicate that therapy is a platform for growth and improvement. It's not a platform for judgment or blame. Emphasize that you're both in this together, and it requires effort from both sides.
Be Open To Alternatives To Couples Therapy
If your partner is on the same page about the problems you're having but isn't open to therapy, it's possible to find another solution. Maybe you both read a book about healthy communication. Maybe you use a series of guided conversation prompts. Maybe you listen to podcasts about healthy relationships together. Even if you're convinced couples therapy is the answer, try your partner's suggestions. If you want them to be open, you also need to be open.
Alternatives to couples therapy could include self-help books, online courses, podcasts, workbooks, or workshops. These can all be really helpful. The idea is to introduce therapeutic concepts in a less intimidating way. This allows your partner to become more open to the idea of professional help over time.
Revisit the Discussion About Couples Therapy Later
Persistence can pay off. If your partner is still hesitant, revisit the conversation about therapy every so often without pressure. Over time, their perspective may evolve. They may become more open to the idea of seeking professional help.
If You've Tried Everything And They Still Won't Go To Couples Therapy
Sometimes people just aren't open to it. While it's frustrating, remember couples therapy won't work without their full buy-in. It's time to decide what you want to do with the relationship moving forward.
When your partner is reluctant to attend couples therapy, approach them with empathy, and a focus on shared goals. Remember that patience and persistence can be your allies on this journey to healing and growth.
Couples Therapy In San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Virtually Throughout California and Florida
Our couples therapists are ready to help you and your partner build the strongest, healthiest version of your relationship. Specializing in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, we give you concrete tools and strategies for change. Book a no-pressure consultation today.
